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RU 8-11-03 Ego And Self

Today I'm going to talk about wisdom. This is based on the experience that Buddha had during his life 2600 years ago. Nowadays people think that for Buddha everything was easy and that he had no problems. But that's not true. Buddha had to go through all varieties of problems, just like ourselves. He had to struggle and work hard and he came through. His struggle was with the emotions, like hatred jealousy obsession, and so on. These are the same problems that you and I have to go through today. And that's why the wisdom he left for us 2600 years ago is very useful for us today.

Therefore to me Buddhism is not really a religion in the sense that we normally understand in America. A lot of people will say that Buddhism is just a way of life. Others will argue that it is a religion. If I insist that is not a religion, some of my friends and colleagues might be a little angry with me. But to me , it really is more a way of life. We are facing a lot of internal struggles, more so than external struggles.

A few years ago His Holiness the Dalai Lama was visiting the United States. He was interviewed by Larry King on his show. The conversation was half about politics and half about religion. In the second half of the interview two other people showed up. One was a Californian congressman. The other was the actor Richard Gere. Larry King asked Richard whether he regarded Buddhism as a religion or as a way of life. He answered, “All of the above." If I was asked, I would be tempted to say that it is a way of life.

In any case, Buddhism is based on the personal experience of Buddha. According to him, all the troubles, like obsession, hatred, jealousy and all the others come from one source. We already talked about the fact that we all have sufferings and pains. We also already raised the question where all of them are coming from. Do they arise from nothing or is it something that somebody made up for us? We established that our sufferings are caused by our own negative emotions. Now the question arises,” Where do these negative emotions come from?" Did they arise from nowhere or did we carry them with us from life to life? Has God given them to us or do they come as a package with the rest of life?

Buddha found that we are addicted to all these negative emotions. We are addicted to hatred, we are addicted to obsession. But where did they come from the first place? We may think that a certain person has irritated us, and through that we have developed anger. Then anger became hatred. On the other hand we may think that we have encountered someone very seductive, and that's how we developed attraction and then obsession. To a certain extent, that is true. But a simple attraction and simple irritation cannot influence a good human being that much. Buddha said that all those come from ignorance. Most Buddhist teachers and nowadays also professors of Buddhism explain that this ignorance is wrong knowing rather than not knowing. I myself choose to call this ego. Ego is a word that psychologists have produced for certain purposes. The original purpose was to build self-esteem. However, the public does not use it that way. Very often you hear expressions like, “That is your ego talking." This is a different usage from the one which the psychologists had in mind when they created the term. I am taking shelter under the public perception of ego.

Buddha used the term 2600 years ago. It was first written down in Sanskrit, then translated into Chinese, then Japanese and Tibetan and so on. When you focus on what it really means it comes very close to what we call you ego now. It involves not knowing very clearly, having lots of misunderstandings, plus a lot of confusion and fear, all combined together. I like to call that whole complex ego. All of that combines together to a big lump that identifies itself as ‘Me’. It is the type of I that thinks,” I am the king." I used to call it call that ‘I Rimpoche.’ That means precious. Sometimes I also call that queen ant or queen bee. It is responsible for a lot of wrong perceptions, so much so that sometimes we think that every person in the world is against us. Everybody is against me and I am the only one here to make things right for me. I am here to protect my own rights. Everybody else is ready to push me down, overpower me. We have all these kinds of perceptions. These all the ego perceptions. If you really ask those people concerned whether they are trying to overpower or abuse somebody it turns out that they have no such intention. People are not out to get me.

Sometimes your own kids think that you just want to bully them. You are trying to educate your teenage kids and tell them not to do certain things , but they insist on doing something funny. You know very well that you're just trying to help them. So it is just their ego perceptions, making them think that you want to bully them. It is easier to think that way about your own children, rather than thinking that your parents might have been trying to help you. In that case you will probably think that you were right and your parents were wrong. You're not likely to see your own ego clearly. It is much easier to see others egos. It is the same with love. When you look from your own angle towards your children you will recognize how much you care for them. There are no strings attached for whatsoever. You really want your kids to be happy and be the best. You want to make your kids the best kids in the world. That is love. But from the viewpoint of the kids it looks like you're trying to abuse them. You're not listening to them. You don't get it. We did the same thing to our parents. This is how ego takes over. Even now, you probably think, ‘ I know that I'm right, but my mom still thinks that I'm seven years old." Again, that is ego perception.

The other thing is that ego identifies itself as me. A lot of people are doing funny things and then they are trying to cover it up. Why are they doing that? It is their ego telling them that they have to protect themselves. Everybody covers up their wrong deeds. It is like that: I would like to do things to help myself. Ego is trying to help itself by doing wrong things. Sometimes ego forces us to act almost like porcupines. We are ready to shoot at anything and anybody. This is the perception that the whole world is against us. But it can never be that the whole world is against a particular person. Even Saddam Hussein has lots of supporters. That's why we keep losing American lives there every day.

Ego pushes us a lot. There is a tremendous struggle between ourselves and our ego. Ego identifies itself as me, and it bullies me. Deep down, we are wonderful, compassionate and caring by nature. And we are simple. Recently, I went to the Iowa to conduct a wedding there. It was really in the country, hours away from the nearest small airport. I had to drive through South Dakota, Nebraska and Iowa. I went through many small towns. I found people to be honest and simple and nice. There is kindness, there is compassionate, there is the willingness to share. The real good human qualities are there. The more we have become sophisticated, the more our ego also has become sophisticated. It is becoming more difficult to deal with. The simple, straightforward, kind, honest, loving nature is what you can still see easily in simple life. It is good old America.

So we have that nature. But ego changes us. Americans generally believe in love and compassion, but September 11, 2001 changed people's perceptions. We did get hurt, and that shook us up completely. The most common response was hatred. In the good old America, the idea of preemptive strikes would never have been acceptable. But the events of September 11 made it acceptable. In other words, ego took over. Now we have to get them, before they can get us. We tried to get bin Laden, but he is still at large. Instead, we are involved in Iraq, and we went into Afghanistan. But are these people really our enemies? When ego pushes, you can do strange things. The leaders and the American public altogether supported this kind of approach. I'm sorry to say, but it's all the work of ego. So many people have been killed in Afghanistan and in Iraq. And it is still not over. Besides that, just look at Africa, and you will see how many problems they have. And then look at Southeast Asia, and look at Pakistan and India. Everybody's ego is getting out of control. Unfortunately , the ego of Yassir Arafat is no less rampant than the ego of Ariel Sharon. The world today is run by a lot of powerful egos. Ego does not look carefully. It doesn't see things properly. At the same time it overpowers us completely. When we are hurt our anger arises immediately. Then we think that love and compassion have to go on a holiday for a few years. We don't have time for it. When you do that you give hatred the opportunity to come up.

Hatred never says that it is hatred. It comes in the disguise of protection. Our leaders and most of us think that we are just protecting ourselves. But think: how can we really protect ourselves by hurting others? Will that change people's minds? When we kill them or threaten them or bribe them, will that really change their minds? Honestly speaking, that would only change the minds of a few thugs. You can force honest people to agree with you, or people will follow you for a while, because you give them money. But deep down their mind will not change. Therefore, with everything we are doing in the Middle East right now we are just creating more problems for us. It used to be that almost everybody in the world loved America. It was considered to be the greatest source of freedom, equality, and individual rights. Today, outside of America, people don't love us any more. Outside of America, you wonder whom you can still show your passport to. This is all ego’s work. Compassionate action would have totally different consequences. Our true self would naturally do the right thing, but it has no power. Ego is in control. It abuses our true self so much. We don't even see our true self. Neither do we see the true face of the ego. The only time we become aware of it is when somebody accuses us in public. If somebody accuses you in public” you are a thief!" you will say” who, me?!" Similarly , when you are about to fall off a cliff , who is the one that is getting worried? At such times, you will see the ego for a moment clearly. At other times, the ego puts our self to sleep and takes over, identifying itself as us. When trouble comes, the ego is trying to run.

Almost all our negative emotions are coming from that source. Me me me produces my my my. This creates the huge division between you and me and mine and yours. Yes, I have mine and you have yours. But the division is not all that black-and-white. We are not at war between you and me. But ego makes it so. It makes you say, ‘How dare you walk over my backyard?’

According to Buddha everything that appears to ego appears incorrectly. First, it appears wrongly, and then ego perceives it wrongly accordingly. There was a great Buddhist master in ancient India, called Tilopa. He had a student called Naropa. In the beginning Naropa was searching for Tilopa and was wondering whether he could be his teacher. When he first met Tilopa , he appeared to be a crazy person eating live fish. Naropa was wondering whether that was just a crazy person or whether it could be Tilopa. When he asked him whether he was Tilopa he would reply yes. When he asked him whether he was not Tilopa he would reply no. Actually , both of these men were really great mahasiddhas and many important practices that we still do today date back to them. Tilopa gave this advice to Naropa:

Appearance will never tie you down, but perception will. Therefore, let the perception go.

Appearance could be anything, real or unreal. When you perceive everything as it appears, then you get into trouble. You will be in the service of the ego. In other words, you don't have to buy everything they are trying to sell you. If you believe everything the used-car salesman is telling you, you'll buy a lemon. Appearances are often wrong, particularly when they are influenced by ego. It is like wearing sunglasses, which makes white appear to be green or blue. We do not see reality as it is. Life to us appears to be a mystery, and we cannot figure it out. We cannot figure out what the appearances are. Many times reality appears to us wrongly.

For example when I look at John, a nice man appears to me. That is not wrong. But I also see a man, who does not depend on anything else. He seems to be an intrinsically existing person. He appears to me that way and that appearance is wrong. You don't exist independently. You depend on your identity. That is your body. You also depend on your mind. Without your body you are not you. If there is no mind, you are not there. However, it does not appear to be that way. What appears is an independently existing person. And that is wrong. We also feel that we are independently existing. We think that we did everything, that we got here by ourselves. But nobody can exist without their body or their mind. I'm saying, let things appear whichever way they want to. It is fine. But when we perceive things to be as independently as they appear, then we are going wrong. At first, it appears that we are our body, because that is what we can see. But behind the body there is our mind. Neither of them are me. I am not my body. I am not my mind. I am the combination of having a body and having a mind. The danger is in accepting the appearance of my body as being me. Identity is the issue. That is why the ego comes up. The ego pretends to be me. The real me then cannot function very well.

This is not so easy to understand. Give it a few years to think about. Even a lifetime is not too much to think this through. We do need self esteem but we don’t need ego. Think about who is going on the spiritual journey. Me, my body, or my mind? And where are we going? We are getting a little bit deeper here.

Thank you very much. This is all I can say today.