Archive Result

9

GEHLEK RIMPOCHE

New York – Thursday Evening

3/11/04

Gehlek Rimpoche: Welcome here tonight. We’ve been talking about zhine, shamatha, and this will be followed by vipasyana. So far what I did, if I remember correctly, is introducing what zhine really is. We did not introduce what lhak thong is, and why we need it, why we need zhine and why we need lhak thong. What zhi ne is very briefly we did. We also talked about the six different requirements for the meditation. We did talk about where to meditate, what we need, we talked about the place where we should be meditating, the needs of the place. We also talked about companionship. And particularly last Tuesday, the verses from the Bodhisattvacharyavatara very much focused on companionship. Companions make a tremendous difference. And when we talk about companionship, though a companion is literally mentioned, what is really meant is the quality of sangha. As I said last Tuesday and I’d like to repeat it here today, we all are members of a sangha. As members of a sangha, we must have the quality to support each other and it is extremely important because the support is really necessary. Not only support for your spiritual practice, but also you need support for whatever you do wherever you need support. Our society is such a wonderful, beautiful and great society, no doubt. But at the same time it is an extremely lonely society—very sorry to say that. Somebody was driving me this afternoon and tried to tell me how lonely it is. It is really true. When you look at people, there are a lot of friends, but it’s also a very, very lonely society. That’s funny. And when you have spiritual interests it becomes even more difficult because, number one, you will be thinking, “Should I talk about this or should I not talk about it? If I do talk about it, will it help me or harm me, and is it going to come back and haunt me in my job?” all those things. Though I don’t think we have many people here who are running for election, but all these problems come up. So, it is important to have the support; everybody needs it. And when we are talking about the quality of the companion, the quality of the companionship what is meant is the quality of the sangha. The sangha means supporting each other. Though we talk about the meditation level, we talk about the need for a good place, we don’t have to talk too much about that because we know what that is. The traditional teachings refer to an earlier time so they tell you make sure there is no tiger jumping out from behind you, or some animals who might bite you—things we don’t worry about nowadays. Still you never know, but we don’t have to worry about it.

The second point, about the companionship of a good friend. There are two ways to look at this. Every Buddhist teaching, particularly Tibetan Buddhist teachings, you find all the time that it’s a two-way street. It’s always a two-way street. When we talk about the quality of a friend or companion, you are automatically talking about how non-virtuous friends function. So you always have to read forward as well as backward. In the Lam Rim teachings you’re told there is no such thing as a non-virtuous friend, who wears funny little clothes, has a little horn and a little tail, and comes to you and says, “I’m your non-virtuous friend.” The traditional Tibetan teachings will tell you that. In Western society, a normal example given for the devil is somebody with little horns and little fangs and a little tail, ready to catch you, right? So the Lam Rim teachings will tell you there is no such thing as a non-virtuous friend who will appear before you with little horns and little fangs saying, “I am your non-virtuous friend.” Normally, the non-virtuous friends will always say, “Well, it is too much for you, you shouldn’t do this. This is not good for you, you are wasting a tremendous amount of money and there’s no money in it. You are wasting your time, time is money.” You name it, all those normal little things, that really make you want to drop out of the practice—that is the real definition of a non-virtuous friend. And also the friend who has a very strong emotional effect, negative emotions such as hatred, or even anger, or even obsession, or jealousy, all of them. Yes, to a certain extent jealousy is necessary; if you didn’t have it, you wouldn’t like it, especially if your companion didn’t get jealous. It’s probably a nice little spice you need in your food. But too much of it is not right. Too much of it will make you withdraw from the correct thing you are doing. And particularly the verses that I read last Tuesday from the Bodhisattvacharyavatara—Shantideva doesn’t have those outlines like on PowerPoint, he just goes blah, blah, blah—but when he talks about companionship he says because negative emotions are so strong a companion can influence you to have them. If you are spending time with an angry person, sooner or later you’re going to be angry too. Although you may think, “I can correct that,” you may or may not be able to. Chances are 99.9% you can’t, with the exception of a few persons. And you may think, “I am the exception.” But if you do, you will be hurting yourself.

So the important thing here is to remember what we are doing. We are working towards spiritual development, we try to build a meditative level, a concentrated meditative samadhi level. And if you have a concentrated meditative samadhi level, it will cut down the negativities and negative emotions. And if you spend time adding up more negativity, more negative emotions, it isn’t helpful. It would be helpful if you were at a level where you can take everything and transform it, then it is a great help. Before then, no. On the other hand, if you look at it from another angle, if you have a good companion and you yourself have quite strong negative emotions, that good person may be able to influence you and to reduce your negative emotions. If that happens, it’s a great thing. So it’s a two-way street, as I said. So what’s not necessarily good for you is not necessarily bad for them. What’s not necessarily good for them is not necessarily bad for you. So that’s what it is. The needs I did talk about the other day, but I thought that the companionship point is quite important, particularly on our level where we have a tremendous amount of negative emotions completely overpowering us; at this moment, if you add negative companionship, it is more a problem than a help. Also, when we the non-virtuous friend is first mentioned, the teachings say there is no such thing as a creature with fangs and horns, period. But then over here, when we go into it, we are talking about the quality of the friend, and then the opposite of that which is the quality of a non-virtuous friend.

Also, for normal practice meditation I say with regard to the place that if there is noise it doesn’t matter—whether it’s in the middle of downtown Manhattan somewhere, on Avenue of the Americas or Canal Street, you can sit there and meditate. However, if you try to develop shamatha, you cannot do that. In these particular cases you cannot. To develop this particular shamatha you’ve got to go to a quiet place. You’ve got to go to a quiet place. A quiet place also means not having so many friends around. Friends aren’t the problem. Chit-chat is the problem. So quietness here literally means quietness. Whether it’s chit-chat in the chat room of the computer or chit-chat literally sitting around with people, both are equally bad. I saw a commercial where there are some nuns taking a vow of silence, yet they have this computer and they go in the chat room an do all this business. I’m sure a number of you have seen that commercial. I think it’s a computer commercial. And that is equally not right for this particular meditation, for shamatha.

Then, particularly at this level…at the zhi ne level it won’t mention it because it’s not necessarily part of zhi ne. But in general any practice, particularly a Buddhist-oriented one, particularly a Mahayana-oriented one whether it is Vajrayana-oriented or not, compassion is always the one key you have to carry. The motivation matters and the motivation has to be influenced by compassion, without which every effort we put in does not necessarily become great. That is normally not mentioned at the zhi ne level. It doesn’t mean you don’t need it because every teaching begins with, “For the benefit of all beings I would like to obtain enlightenment, for that I would like to learn this practice and become…” It is just a routine chore we do, like a daily chore. So that is the reason why every practice, even though specifically at this level it may not be mentioned, needs to have it. If we simply want some kind of clairvoyant level or some kind of relax and joy level, if all we want is that, then we may not need good motivation. But that does not become a spiritual practice because it is not influenced by, or does not come within the level of compassion, either for yourself or for others. Compassion for yourself is, excuse my language, but it is the Hinayana principle. And compassion for others, that includes you, it doesn’t exclude us, the self. Compassion for others and benefiting them, is the Mahayana principle, as you all know. And also the result. On the Hinayana level, you are simply looking for freedom, freedom from negativities.

And when you are reading about those qualities, the disqualifications for companionship or the quality of the companionship, you begin to really see that there is really no freedom within us. We really don’t have freedom. True, we don’t have freedom. Because we don’t control or we don’t have power over…these are all the wrong words I’m using…because we do not know how to use our mind, I think that’s the right definition. Since we do not know how to use our own mind, our mind has a mind of its own so you can never do anything with it. We try to focus, we cannot focus. Even in extreme cases, cases where you may be in some very happy state, where you have received great happy news, even then your mind will stay with that happiness for a short time only then go roaming around again. And with extreme sad, terrible feelings, even then, though we think we will never get out of it, “I’m stuck in there, I can never get out of it,” though we may think that, if you really look at the mind, the mind is not staying put even with that sorrow and sourness. Its influences may be felt but the mind doesn’t stay there, it runs around all the time. That is a clear sign we have no freedom for ourselves, because we do not know how to deal with our mind. Absolutely. So the mind has its own mind and it runs all over and most probably it just goes wherever it bounces—bing, bong, bing—it goes everywhere. Wherever it bounces. That’s what’s going on. So that is the reason why we need focus, number one. Also, we don’t get anything done, not even on the spiritual path, even good things. We don’t get much done because…we even say, “Well, I was interrupted. There were so many things and so many phone calls,” so many this and so many that. Whether we blame the phone calls or whatever we blame, it’s really because we don’t focus…we don’t focus because we can’t focus. We cannot focus. We cannot bring our mind to think and focus. That is the true reality. Because of that—and we have so many negative emotions popping up, all those emotions pop up, emotions swing us right and left all the time – that’s why we have difficulties. So zhi ne, to bring to the level of peace, and try to remain there.

Now the question is, what do you focus on? This is quite simple. I’m going to do a little preview of what I’m going to do in the next main points. On what do we focus? What do I need to focus on? Buddha gave us four different types of focal points. One he called a learned person’s focusing. We all like that very much because we all like to be learned persons. When you go into it, what does it actually mean? It means we have learned our own problem. Let’s say my major problem is obsession, then I have a very specific focusing point because my target will now become obsession, so I would focus on that. I did mention the other day: in Thailand they keep dead bodies in the water in monasteries, turn them around from time to time, try to get everyone to look at them. I’m sure all of us are quite obsessed with our body. And we feel good about it, right? We feel good about it. Yeah, very good. But many people think, “Oh, I’m terrible-looking, and I’m fat and I’m this and I’m that and getting old”. And then you do all kinds of things and then you look slightly different, “Now I’m good.” We do have a lot of obsession about our body. So it is hard to give up and hard to get rid of. It doesn’t mean you don’t like yourself, it doesn’t mean that at all. You should look good, you do look good, you are beautiful, you are wonderful and that’s good, and you should be happy about it. Nothing wrong with that. But being obsessed with yourself, with your body, is a big problem. So that’s why it’s a Buddhist tradition in Thailand, to keep dead bodies around. At a different time and in a different body the same will happen to us. So would you like to be obsessed with that dead body there in the water? That’s what they’re telling you. Because it’s only a matter of time. When we are in it, the body remains fresh; and when we are gone, it remains not so fresh. That’s the only difference. So these types of things are called liduba(?), not so nice. Not so nice. So “not so nice” is the recommended object of meditation if my problem is obsession. If my problem is hatred, then it’s compassion. Compassion directly counters the perception and function of hatred. Hatred will say, “How dare this person to do that to me—I have to get him! And even if I die, my dead body will turn around and get him!” Right? That is what hatred does. So compassion will immediately focus on that person and say, “Poor thing.” Even if it is condescending, it’s better than “How dare you!” So it is a direct antidote to hatred. And also the aim, “I must catch you,” becomes “I must help you.” So it really directly counters whatever our problem is. If it’s pride, “I am the most learned one.” In one of those lineage masters’ stories, who was it? I think it was Lalitavajra who thought “I really know everything” regarding a particular subject. At that moment, the dakinis came out in a dream and showed him so many different tantras he had never even heard the names of, and that reduced his pride.

In America people don’t consider pride to be much of a problem, especially during an election year for George Bush. I was just joking. But Americans will have a problem with lack of self-esteem, and we are getting self-esteem confused with pride. A certain amount of pride, as self-esteem, is absolutely necessary, but “I am the most” type of pride, what’s wrong with that pride? What’s wrong with it? That pride will deprive us of the opportunity to learn. And sometimes this pride comes up in a different way. When you hear something, you immediately analyze it and say, “Ah, this is this, this is this, this is this,” and the usual Western culture of sorting things, putting them in a package, into little boxes, labeling them and saying, “Ha, that’s that, that’s that. Ah, the situation is under control.” So sorting it out and putting it in the right box and labeling it, that’s pride. It’s pride. That information, that knowledge is not going to contribute to the individual spiritually at all. It is just for you to analyze, put in the right box and attach a label; and then when some inquiry comes, you’re ready to take that box out and say, “Here it is.” But it doesn’t help. So because of that reason, traditional teachers say that pride is like a sharp mountain peak, no water can stay up there. There is no place where the water can collect…rain falls, it washes down, none remains up there so nothing grows. They also give an example saying, where does the green first develop in spring? Right on those peaks or on the ground where there is a valley or plateau? I like to say it the Tibetan way, a plateau. Naturally you will see the green growing at the lower levels. And also another example they give you is that during the harvesting period, the stalk which carries the most wheat, let’s say, it does not stand upright, it’s always heavy. When it’s standing it’s a clear indication it doesn’t have much substance in it. It’s true. So pride does that. But then, you know, “I am very proud of you,” they say in families, or friends say. That pride is not this pride, not what we’re talking about here. That is a different type of pride.

So pride is really harmful. We don’t know that. We all accept that hatred is not good. We have a question whether anger is good or not. We know obsession is not good. We don’t mind attachment. That is my assessment of our culture. So attachment is not a big deal, it’s OK, I can deal with it. Obsession is no good. But nobody thinks about pride. So even if a meditation is given to a proud person, the person will not take the meditation as a meditation and use it; the person will try to analyze it, “Yeah, this is this path, this is that path, and that is that path,” put it into boxes and label them. I always think that people do that all the time: “These are the Buddhist views, those are Christian views, these are Jewish views, the Hindus say this, Muslims say that,” have them boxed, put a label on them, and leave them there, then we say the situation is under control. That doesn’t help the individual at all. “If it’s Hindu, it’s OK. If it’s Buddhist, it’s OK. If it’s Christian, it’s OK. If it’s Muslim, it’s OK.” But does this help me? Does it make a difference in my life? Does this help me or not? If it doesn’t help, put them in the box and put them away, that’s fine. But if it does help, you have to pick it up. And we don’t want to pick it up because of our pride. As I mentioned to you, I had tremendous pride at being a Mahayana practitioner. And when that great Indian guy…I call him great, at least great for me…tells me, “Oh, Mahayana is very great, wonderful, high, but you have to measure from the ground how high you are.” It’s really true. You can’t be high up there, flying, you have to be measured from the ground. And then you really look back at the traditional teachings, they all build on top of one another. If you try to get up onto the top peak level, you’re not going to get anywhere because it builds up from the ground. Very simple. So these are the negative emotions on which you have to be meditating.

Then the second point. If a person has a mind constantly running around, a mind that cannot focus at all, so many thoughts, countless thoughts popping up all the time, countless thoughts popping up all the time. For that person, it is recommended to meditate on the breath. So in this country, most of the meditations are taught by focusing on the breath. Whoever chose to introduce breath meditation, probably decided the American problem is the mind running everywhere—the mind doesn’t sit and so many thoughts popping up all the time, so that’s why they probably they chose that. There are many types of meditation focus, what to focus on, but basically four. And one meditation focus is analyzing. But all of them, all those different mediations I told you about for each negative emotion and what it counters, all of them are based on mental stability, a stable mind. I don’t mean unstable as crazy or mad here. I mean a mind that cannot focus is not a stable mind. I don’t mean crazy. You don’t have to go to an institution because you cannot focus. Some funny Tibetan stories were popping up in my head so I started laughing. Sometimes those stories are quite relevant to us because we don’t know. We don’t know what we don’t know, and we also don’t know what we know. That is our problem. Particularly in the spiritual field it is a big problem – don’t know what we don’t know, and don’t know what we do know. Both are a big problem.

There is an old Tibetan story I will share with you, it’s funny, you know why? Here also we have a lot of jokes, the south side of the United States versus the north. It is true, everywhere they have this, every country, wherever you look. From one village to another, you have these jokes. Tibetans have lots of jokes about the people from Central Tibet. Among the Central Tibetan people, it’s also divided into the Tsang area which is the Panchen Lama’s and the central which is the Dalai Lama’s. So we always made jokes about the Tsangpa area, those coming from the Tsang area, the Panchen Lama’s side. So one of those Tsangpa guys from the Tsang area comes to Lhasa and asked somebody, “How do people die? How do you know you are dead?” Somebody replied, “When your foot is yellow, you will die,” or “You die when your foot is yellow,” whatever it is. So this guy understood when your foot is yellow, you die. So he walked out on the pasture for a long time in the valley, and then suddenly he noticed his foot was yellow so he thought he had died. He was lying there saying, “I’m dead.” And there was another person with a donkey carrying a heavy load, and the donkey fell down. The man had no idea how to lift the donkey up. So he was pulling the donkey’s tail and trying to get the donkey to get up by pulling its tail. And the guy lying there said, “If I were still alive, I would know how to lift that donkey up. That’s not the way to make the donkey get up. But since I’m dead, I can’t do anything,” and all because his foot was yellow. The other man was more clever so he said, “All right, you’re dead, that’s fine. But since you can talk, why don’t you tell me?” And the man lying down said, “Well, take the load off first, then pull.” So the other took the load off, then pulled, and that’s how he got the donkey back to its feet.

So we don’t know what we don’t have. You also don’t know what you do have. The man didn’t know he was not dead, but he thought he was dead. So that happens. We do have that in the spiritual path tremendously because we think we are doing something great, we are somewhere, but we don’t know. And also many people think, “I have nothing, no development, nothing,” but they really don’t know what they really have. This is a really big problem for all of us. You know why? Because this is first generation, that’s why it’s a problem. In the second, third and fourth and fifth generation, you will know it. But this is the first generation, so you don’t have a role model, you don’t have a way of judging, and that’s why it is a big problem. We don’t know what we have, and we also don’t know what we don’t have. And mind you, I’m not saying you are stupid, OK? Don’t take it that way, don’t go there, it’s not. But that is our problem, it’s a lack of a role model. Companionship is a role model. It’s a big role model. A traditional Tibetan master says if you are near the gold mountain or gold mine, nearby everything will have a lot of gold on it. If you are near a mine of poison, nearby everything is likely to have a lot of poison on it. So that is the conclusion of the section on companionship. Some may think a companion is not so important, but it becomes important. And particularly this one they are talking about when you are meditating in a certain particular period—whoever is accompanying you then, that becomes important. There were a group of people who were doing some retreat. And you know a number of times we do a retreat by saying the mantras faster, and when we have said the required number of them we do conclude. There was one guy going extremely slow doing a refuge retreat. And instead of saying [says mantra fast], he was [says mantra very slowly]. So all the others had finished days before and he was not even halfway through, and one day they decided to say something and said, “When do you think you’re going to finish?” or something like that. And he turned around, “You people are just counting?” He said, “I’m thinking.” So everybody had to keep their mouth shut and be a little embarrassed. That is the example of a good companion. There are a lot of those examples. Now I think I should stop talking.

And then all of those different focusing point I told you, all these different focusing points are all based on the mind stability, stable mind. Stable mind is something that you are trained, it is a result of training. It is not automatic. It is not necessarily virtuous or non-virtuous. It is really something you can learn and give training, and that’s what it is. So on what you focus? Build mental stability. Two recommended points. Point one is focusing on object. Point two is focusing on mind…no, focusing on other than object, that’s what I should be saying. It reads which will become mind anyway. So I hope to come and talk both of them. Though traditional teachings will only talk one, but I’d like to do here both of them. First object, and then subject meditation. Even though I said compassion and all of them, already I said, right? But the object meditation now will be…you can meditate on anything. As a great Kadampa lama saying, you can meditate on yak’s horn to cow’s dung, they said. From yak’s horn to cow dung, so anything you can meditate on. But there are recommendations. The recommendation is for Buddhists, they recommend image of Buddha. For image of Buddha, the traditional teachings will tell you find a nice, good Buddha image, whether it is a painting or it is a statue. Whatever it is, find a good one and look very careful for as long as you need to look. Look and try to build the image in your mind. Do not meditate on Buddha’s image by looking at the Buddha’s picture or statue. People like to do that. That’s not recommended. And many people, I noticed, among our sangha like to have the picture of yidam whatever you are meditating practicing, it goes the picture in your sadhana people carries. Well, if it is just to remind you the yidam or as an object of refuge or reminder, there is no problem. But if you want to look at that and meditate, then it’s a problem. If you’re looking at the object and meditating, then you are training your eye consciousness, you are not training your consciousness, your mind. So in order to work with the mind, you have to have a mental image of Buddha. The mental image. The mental image whatever you have, first keep on looking at it, building it, building it. And then whatever you get, sort of structure with the little dot or hat and with little two hands around, or crossing leg or sitting, or not clear or any of that type, and it is recommended at this level. If you are Vajrayana practitioners, this is not the recommendation. But if it’s just simply for zhi ne, it is recommended not to work or take time trying to make it clear. Just try to maintain the image, however clumsy it might be, however blurry it might be, but it’s recommended to be focused on it.

And I must also tell you tonight, when you are focusing, whatever the size, whatever the color—you may not be able to do it immediately. But when you settle down, and you are focusing. If you try it tonight, tomorrow, for weeks, and you’re not finding it, you may go here and there for a while, it doesn’t matter. But once you settle down, whatever size you choose, make that definite. So what they tell you is, the traditional teachings tell you, if you want to meditate yellow and it’s becoming red, or you want to meditate on a sitting Buddha and it wants to stand, wants to walk, don’t ever follow. That is the Buddha’s instruction. Don’t ever follow because then you’re going to lose it. You’re going to follow it, it’s going to go here, go there, and you’ll go with it. So then that defeats the purpose. If you are Vajrayana practitioners, then your sadhana, your development stage, requires clarity and then you build on that; but simply learning shamatha, you don’t. Actually I recommend not to try to get clarity. Though you do need some clarity. When we talk about clarity, we are talking about two things. In our mind, the moment we say clarity, we are looking at the focusing point and seeing how clear it is. That is our normal reaction, right? But when we talk about clarity, there are two types of clarity: the object on which you are meditating—the clarity of the object; and the clarity of the observer, the observer who is meditating, your mind. The mind is what you need to work, not the clarity of the object on which you are meditating. Are you with me? Now, what is clarity of mind? That is the question. The mind which is meditating must be very sharp, alert. An example given is an absolutely faultless clean crystal glass which contains completely pollution-free pure water. Clear crystal-like glass, and absolutely clean water. Or beautiful sunshine, with no clouds whatsoever. That is the definition here of clarity of the mind. Are you with me? OK. So when we talk about clarity, we have to think and talk about the clarity of mind, not the clarity of what you are focusing on. [Tibetan], in the Lam Rim chen mo Tsongkhapa describes that. A faultless crystal clean, clear glass with completely pure water, or a cloudless sky in full sunshine. So that is an example of what level the mind should be at. That’s what you have to work on.

Then meditating. Meditating means remembering. Remembering here does not mean recollecting, recalling. It means to totally focus, never wavering, focusing. The word is remembering, but remembering does not mean recollecting. It is to never lose the focus. At that level, with that clarity, we can never have more than a second if that. So that’s the beginning of focus. I will review this again next Thursday. Thank you. Any questions?

Audience: I actually have two questions for you. One is when you listed the four categories that are recommended. One was if you’re learned you know your own problem, and then the second one was…

Gehlek Rimpoche: I’ll come back to that next Thursday.

Audience: Then the second question is…

Gehlek Rimpoche: You really want to know why? I’ve got the wrong file. I thought I brought this meditation file, I thought I picked it up. Instead of that, I’ve got a Tara file.

Audience: Then you were saying if we are Vajrayana this doesn’t apply, the way we should not worry so much about getting the object—let’s say it’s a Buddha—clear. But if we are Vajrayana, let’s say we finished our sadhanas and then later in the day we have some time to do this, would that rule still apply?

Gehlek Rimpoche: I might as well say it here. This is a meditation course. We just give you meditation in general. But if you really are Vajrayana practitioners, Vajrayana practitioners have a slightly different development of shamatha—I spent a lot of time on that during the last Winter Retreat last month, many hours. There is a difference between this non-Vajrayana shamatha and Vajrayana shamatha, though no text, nobody, anywhere, will ever say there’s a difference: they will all say it’s the same. But the way one develops and how one gains are different. Vajrayana has a lot more points which at the normal meditation level we don’t talk about. Vajrayana practitioners, when they want to develop this shamatha, there is a point in Vajrayana where they develop shamatha. For example, if you are doing the sadhanas, in the sadhana there’s purities, right? Not the three purities in the Heruka sadhana. But in any sadhana, at the end they say, as in Yamantaka, the nine faces are the nine branches of the Buddha’s teaching, the two horns are the two truths, the 37 hands are the…at that level, when you are at that level, you focus on that. After the mantra, before the dissolving, before the torma offering, that is where you develop shamatha. So the focusing point will be completely different. The moment is built into the sadhana, that’s what happens.

Audience: Even if we’re doing that, is it still beneficial to try to do this, or is there almost no point if we have that?

Gehlek Rimpoche: There’s almost no point because in Vajrayana they don’t tell you this [give you instructions on shamatha]. That is all told at this level. In Vajrayana, they will say, ‘Now do shamatha here on this point.’ That’s it. So it means all the instructions to be applied there are given here on this level. No further questions? OK, thank you so much.

[END]