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Soundfile 2012/Jangkya Rolpe Dorje/location/topic =20121006GRGRWis04.mp3

Speaker Gelek Rimpoche

Location Garrison, New York

Topic Ode of Delight Upon Recognizing the Mother

Transcriber Helen Breault

Date at which you finished the transcript

Normally, we have questions. But maybe you don't have any questions. Not necessarily has to be today's subject what we talked, or today's text what we based on. But anything else. Many of you are doing a lot of serious practice anyway, so any one of your questions will be if you really have a genuine question it will be very effective and helpful for the others. Perhaps you are not aware of it. But I'd like to sort of throw it out and anyway we have a few minutes. Many of you have a tremendous amount of thoughts and ideas. Any questions?

Audience: We had an informal discussion group today, Rimpoche. And it's kind of a little off topic. But I think the reason we were talking about it, we were thinking about relationships. And especially mother relationships. Which is kind of a funny thing to talk about in this way. But we were talking about how difficult it can be, actually, ot have a mother relationship. And we were trying to figure out what the difficulties are, in terms of how we apply our practice into difficult relationships. Like what is the block for having a really good, pure, strong mutually respectful relationship with somebody. So the discussion led to mostly the thing that blocks us, is not having unconditional love. That a lot of times, love is, in these relationships, they're sticky. So, some relationships, if they're not a loving relationship, you don't feel like you can be yourself. So then you get into power struggles, and feelings of manipulation, and role-playing that isn't comfortable. Getting stuck in certain roles that aren't comfortable. And partly because, if you don't feel that you are getting unconditional love from someone, then you feel that you have to be something in order to be loved that's conditional. And, so is that a block, we were wondering, on our part that we can't recognize and accept unconditional love? Because if we wan't recognize it, are we able to develop unconditional love if we won't understand what it is. I know it's kind of a screwy question. But in terms of developing ourselves in relationships, you have to start with who's nearest and dearest. And it who's nearest and dearest are problematic, then where do we go from there?

Rimpoche: I have a joking answer and I thought I would throw that out first, and when I'm thinking that, and you said "near and dear". So "near and dear" I cannot throw my answer. Because my answer will be "I've never been mother, so you should ask somebody's who's been mother." On the one hand, and on the other hand, I have a funny relationship with my own personal mother. Fantastic, wonderful, no doubt; but at the same time, you know I was born in that area, time, where there were a lot of nannies and, I don't think there's governess, but there are nannies and people who are carrying, taking care of the kids. And, see, I get to see my mom whenever she wants me to see. Maybe once or twice a day, for, I don't know, for three minutes, or four, five minutes, I don't know.

So, I thought I'm not the right person to answer that taking that into account. But when you say "near and dear", then I'm supposed to be talking about the love-compassion, so I cannot throw that joke out and dismiss and turn around. So I don't know whether I have a answer for it; most probably I don't. But I have this thoughts, came up very often and I have many times discussion with you people. A number of times. And occasionally I have some good ideas pop up here and there. But mostly what I needed I forgot. So I don't recall anything of our discussion. And I've thought really number of good points I've thought, I've saw it in there. But somehow I really don't recall tonight. But it will pop up, and when it pops up I will try to share with you.

The sour or conditioned relationship that we've been having with our parents or the loved ones all because, you're right, there may be, but this unconditioned love is not picking up, not as a priority, for the relationship. Again, I don't think I'm the right person to say this, because I'm lacking with all experience. I don't have children. I have two adopted ones, but it's not half-children. But honestly I don't have any experience in it. But when you observe the thinking, this unconditional love is continually there if you're biological parents, or you're adoptive parents. The unconditional love is there. But unconditioned love becomes conditioned thing to gain what you wanted. Yesterday I had a little time, so in the morning Colleen went out to fix my scooter which was broken. But I stayed in home, and laid down, and turned the NPR on. The subject, what this NPR talking, was some very old, some rich American woman. I'm sure somebody listened yesterday. These are mostly democratic people who listen to NPR. Remember, the definition of democratic is listening to NPR and drinking grass juice. So, the first wealthy American, I remember the name yesterday, now it skipped out of my head. Very, very wealthy, the father was so angry with the daughter, and the wife, and the family, and they snapped. And she just got one million dollars out of it. It must have been a lot of money then. And she turned that one million change into a hundred million by a couple of years by her investment. So what struck me, is that the father is so angry, that she put all the money for charity. She's the only kid. They had a son, the son died. So he's angry. So he took the anger on the family. What does that tell me? Something which you're not happy, you're blaming on someone who's near you, near, dear and loved one who it's not their fault at all.

[13:00]

So this is how we do. This is the way the negative emotions, sometimes, I don't mean everybody has that. But negative emotions sometimes do function that way. So I'm sure that father had unconditional love to that girl when she was born. When the son died, whatever the reason is, he was angry and turned the relationship into sour. Sour. And when the relationship turned into sour, this unconditional love is gone. Then whatever little love in the relationship, it turned into sour. But whenever it has a condition, then it has limitations. When the one side started to show the conditioned, then the other side started dancing according to the condition, demanding and vice versa. And that is the human nature.

Some people may not have unconditional love at all. So loving means something that you can get, you can somehow benefit. So then it all becomes conditioned. As long as it is conditioned, well bottom line is this: as long as it's for me, then there is always difficulty. Whoever it may be, as long as one takes the relationship for me then there is difficulty.

The problem with the kids or us, not the kids, us, we are in habit of crediting everything to our own deeds, even though this is not. We're also in the habit of blaming everything to everybody else except ourself. Also everything is sort of becoming bargain. And sometimes it happens, I'll smile at you because I want something from you. When that's happening then there's always a problem to carry with a genuine relationship. Genuine relationship is really whatever it may be, good, or bad, it's sort of take it equally. We have a saying in Tibet, "Kine kingam" [18.51]. If we enjoy we enjoy together, if we suffer we suffer together. And that you can take it as genuine, then the relationship will be better. Even if you don't have compassion, love. There is some love, there is some of those, but they may not be great compassion and great love and all of that. But at least that feeling of sharing, equalness, togetherness. When we have that I think our relationships are better. And Buddhism, particularly Boddhimind level, we utilize mother being as the greatest example of receiving and giving love, compassion, protection, saving life, etcetera.

[20:12]

As you know, looking at all sentient beings as mother beings. When you're getting to that level, that level will be a subject of thinking and subject of examination only after, only after if we appreciate and we well received the mother's kindness. Otherwise, it becomes a big problem. And also, besides that, mother sentient being, every living being as mother sentient being cannot be developed within the individual without proper understanding of reincarnation. It cannot be. Just simply everybody's you're mother, doesn't make sense. They may tell. You may say oh yeah, that's what the religions say. So that's the most. Otherwise, in your heart of heart the mother/father is not my mother, the baby is not my mother. How are you going to tell this two month's old your baby is your mother. How are you going to think? How are you going to tell, honestly?

So without knowing the reincarnation, without knowing the life after life, this mother sentient being doesn't come into the picture. Some of you, most of you, are very kind and very nice, and when we say "all mother sentient beings", you either acknowledge or ignore. You know, whatever it is that's the usual way they talk. Or whatever the reason is. But to really think it, to really get it, you have to know the reincarnation. Otherwise you really won't know. Once you know the reincarnation, once you know the change of life, then you begin to see the circulation, the circling, then at first you're not going to know everything, that everyone's been your mother. At first, you'll have the difficulty of discarding somebody who's not been my mother. Very definitely saying that, it's not going to happen. And then, gradually, one you cannot deny, two you cannot deny, this is a long process, a long process. So the compassion of what Buddha is talking about is a very long process, honestly. Of course it has a wonderful result, no doubt. Wonderful result. But it is a long way to get it. And it is very hard, as hard as a rock. Maybe even harder.

So you asked one question, so I was afraid that was what was going to happen. So, then the main thing is selfishness. Self-agenda, self-thing. When you have the selfishness it tinges everything you do. It filters everything you do. And then some people are in the habit of doing something funny. Not necessarily you mean what you say, but do something and try to be something else. Some people do that. Quite a few people. Not so many people do that, but quite a few people do that. Whether it has been that the person doesn't mature properly, or lack of understanding of reality, or whatever it is, some people do that. That creates a lot of difficulty between a lot of people. I don't know whether I answered your question or not. I just shared some of my thoughts. The problem really is the selfishness and self-thing. That is a problem. Once you're reducing the self-thing, then things will be better.

Audience: When you're doing these compassion-related practices and you have trouble recognizing everyone as your mother, I thought we could also tie it into the whole reincarnation. So if sometimes you're thinking over the whole thought process that you've been teaching us over the years, I thought maybe there was another way, and maybe I'm missing up practices. But I thought there was another way where you could take your father, you could take the person at your office or you could take your friend and you could think about everything that person did for you that's kind. And I thought you said that we could do these practices on an individual basis, rather than a lot of dots out there. With everyone being kind to us. So that you can work on parts of it, like who you feel neutral to. Why? Because they don't do something for you or they do something against you or your friend or whatever. And then build up like that. But can you do it switching back and forth? I always have trouble trying to think about repaying the kindness. And then I read in one of your transcripts last week, I think somebody else was teaching it. Another Rimpoche was teaching that day. He was saying that you could repay the kindness by every act you do in the day to other people. So I guess my question was just sort of like, if you can't think of everybody as your mother when you're doing the 7 Stage or the 11 Stage because you can't get a full grasp of reincarnation, is it okay to be working on individual people, substituting them in or are you not supposed to be doing that?

Rimpoche: Well, everything is okay. But the thing is this, when you really try to gain with a understanding of all, that's "a-l-l" mother sentient beings, when you're underlining the "all" then discomfort and difficulties definitely pop up. That is one way we deal. And we don't wait to solve this problem before we meditate on any compassion. Because we're not going to solve that problem easily. But in the meanwhile, we also substitute visualizing living beings, couple of people with a name and face. My vocabulary does not necessarily limit to one or two or three or four or five. But sort of a number of people with names and face, a number of people without name--as you said, many dots-- and thinking that they've been a mother. Trying to do that in one way. And clearly thrashing out all mother sentient beings as on the other side. Or maybe simultaneously. But maybe not. But ultimately it has to be thrashed out and gain an understanding. [31:40] Not only gain an understanding, but a realization. And sort of simultaneously, you've got to do. Otherwise you'll be waiting to understand reincarnation, the whole life will go and we will have done nothing. Just like we say guru devotional practice is root of development. Yet, if we wait until we have perfect guru devotional practice, we won't have any opportunity to practice anything else. So simultaneously embracing human life, appreciation of it, and the rareness of it, difficulty to find. And all those almost simultaneously going together and making impact on the individual's mind and moving forward. Yet, guru devotional practice has to be perfected, but you don't wait for that. Very similarly, mother sentient beings. All living beings are mother sentient beings. To thrash that out, whether you do it critically or whatever you do, but a little thinking and analyzing to make yourself really convinced you have to know the reincarnation, that' what I'm saying. Repaying a kindness, if you recognize a kindness, repaying their kindness is almost supposed to be automatic to good human beings. Unless you are a bad human being where everything has to be done "for me", sort of big bargaining. Everything has to be bargain. I thought that's a bad human being. The good human beings, sort of naturally, if someone or something's been kind to you, it is obvious that we have to just do something back for them. Whatever you can, you know sort of put your fists together, bite your gums and do something. It is good human nature. And I don't know whether you really have to put efforts in there. Not so much. Maybe some people do have to put efforts. But I thought sort of general good human nature. You know person who's been kind, and you don't acknowledge, don't remember, don't think, don't appreciate, we call that "shameless."

Audience: I'm just thinking about if everyone's been kind to you and you're going to be, by the way it was Kyabje Rimpoche who was doing that teaching in your transcript, so I mean in all of that, if you're remembering that everyone's been kind to you and you've been kind back, so some people haven't been kind to you in this life. So all of this seems, in one way that whole practice plays on this whole cycle, and in another way you have to practice it however you can. Because you may feel neutral to some people, and you're trying to build equanimity, so you want to see why you feel neutral to this one. And some people may not be nice in this life, or in your day even. But you try to work with that in a good way. If you have full grasp of the cycle of life after life and everybody's relationship with you, but you have to build that up somehow.

Rimpoche: I agree.

Audience: I have two questions. I thought I heard you say that we were all Tibetans, I could be wrong. I'm wondering what you meant but that, or if I misheard you. The other question is why is there so much more negativity than positivity?

Rimpoche: Are you Tibetan? We're all Tibetan you said.

Audience: He thought you said "Tibetan Origination" when in fact you said "dependent origination."

Rimpoche: I'm saying "dependent origination" but it sounded like we're all Tibetans.

Audience: Oh, simple answer. Although I didn't mind being Tibetan.

Rimpoche: You're welcome

Audience: And the second question was why does there seem to be so much more negativity than positivity. Why?

Rimpoche: Well, why not? This is a degenerated age. Even if it is good old age, there are so many negativities. Now is degenerated age, very, very shrewd and very advanced society. Everything will grow. If good one grows, grows very well. But most of the people develop a bad one. Your answer is obvious. Answer to your questions is obvious. Okay? Joe's not happy with that answer. I mean, truly, people have more negative thoughts than positive thoughts. People will act more negatively than positively. If you go ten people together, say, ten, and probably eight or seven at least will have more negative influence. And three may have positive influence. So that's sort of natural. And because our negative addictions are too strong, too obvious to too many people, and positive things are too little and needs effort, and negatives are effortless for us. That is is the explanation of "obvious". So your both questions have been answered, right?

Audience: I have a question about the six preliminary practices and one of the visualizations involved in that. After taking result-oriented refuge, there's the visual image of the Buddha coming to me and dissolving to me, and emanating light from me that purifies all environments and all beings. So, as beautiful as that thought is, I've been thinking about this for a while. It seems to me that if Buddhas were really able to do that, all environments would be purified at this point and all beings would be as well. So, unless I'm the only one that missed that boat, that doesn't seem to have happened. So I'm curious why that particular visualization, and why like that?

Rimpoche: There are a number of reasons why you do this. Number one: to make a perfection of your own pure environment when you become fully enlightened Buddha. You will have your own environment and that will be fully developed. Number two: to, by thinking that, by visualizing that, by meditating that, whether you have immediate effect to the environment where you're in or not, I'm very skeptical person. I'm sorry. I probably think that will have not that much effect by simply thinking. But if you put efforts, it will make a difference for the real environment where we're living. However, when you become fully enlightened you will definitely have your own pure land, pure environment, and to make that environment perfect you do this now. So it in the long run it's very big efforts, investment for it. Whether that's going to have immediate effect in the today when we're thinking the whole land, and the whole water, and whole grounds becomes pure, or trees become pure, and all of those are not really going to happen just because you thought. But because you're thinking the consciousness will have some kind of collective or individual effects which will be very good causes for people to work together to make it pure and all that. The major purpose is to have your own pure environment when you have a pure land of yours.

Also, training yourself to function as a fully enlightened. And then if you keep on thinking that, keep on doing that, it will affect your consciousness. It will affect your goals. It will affect, even not thinking about the spiritual, even sort of normal things, it will become your own goal. And it will become your character. It will become your destination. So that's the real what happens. And then the accumulation of merit on that will build up your own Pure Land. And this is one of the major, major pre-requisites. Like when you when you say Lama Chopa, "Dechen …"[47..]. So that's what it is. It is not meaningless exercise at all. It is huge, huge. But if you're looking immediately affecting this and that, it might not be. And also when you become Buddha you will be able to do that. Because you know Buddha's activities are considered effortless. And if you say "effortless", then why we have such a mess environment. It is also true. It is very much similar to during the natural disasters. Some people will ask "Where have the gods gone? What happened? Why did God decide to look the other way around?"

Audience: I've learned certain practices, Tara practices and other Tara practices, the intention is for healing certain people. And I think recently the people that I have focused on, sometimes they have gotten better or have had some improvement. So, in my mind I'm trying to figure out, "Oh, wow wonderful", is it my practice that has done this? I'm trying to think that it's part of my practice that has helped also. And that gives me more faith. But then I've also talked to other people and they say, "But be careful that you don't have the ego that makes your ego big. And say, "this is all me". Then I started thinking about the person involved, I know that it's their karma, that it will depend on their karma, if anyone else is praying for them. I guess my question is, how involved, I think I am contributing, but I guess I want to know, is it a big contribution or a little contribution?

Rimpoche: Interesting question, thank you. You're right, it's dependent origination. And so many factors, so many factors, so many factors. I don't know if you've started healing, what would be that? Faith healing, mantra healing, prayer healing? Or maybe all of the above. So all of them are possible without karma of the individual who does have some karma to heal. And, as I said earlier, it is dependent origination. So everything combined together. So, for me, it is important if it helps the individual. Doesn't matter how big, how small, how much is the faith part, how much is it the actual karmic part, how many percentage. And I don't know whether anybody else can tell you that, unless it's sort of a living Buddha. It would be very difficult. But my feeling is, if it helps that's good enough. And sort of be happy with that. Anything don't get in your head is very good advice. Not necessarily, you're going to boost your ego or anything. But many times, many people goes on their head, "I did it. I did it. I did it." But the truth is I did nothing. It is their karma, their efforts, their deed. I might have been a little, sort of you know, like 1/4 percent contribution to link up. So sort of be satisfied, be happy with that. And that is nice. Whatever it may be, the humbleness has a tremendous quality. If a Buddha is alive today, Buddha will not say "I'm a Buddha." Buddha will probably say, "I'm Joe Blow, Mad Max" or something. That should be our way. Thank you.

Audience: This is kind of following a little of what we talked about when Kimba asked the question about the craziness. It came up in our group discussion again. I'm wondering, are we thinking about this correctly? What came up in the discussion was, what is the nature of this crazy child the Ode is speaking about, having lost the mother's face. And one of the group members talked about a recent experience of being in a mass of people in Time's Square and being lost in that experience. Feeling kind of unnerved, unstable and trying to locate that. And what helped her feel more stable was saying a mantra, finding mother's face. And that's one example. A good example of both what it feels like to be lost, but also to be reconnected with the mother. The other example that I was thinking about is working with children who have been abandoned at birth and then adopted. And the struggles of coming to terms with that history. I've seen many of these children really struggle with having lost the mother and how crazy they get in the early stages of coming into that awareness as toddlers, as elementary school children. And seeing the power of deep unconditional from mothers that have adopted them, as being an example of what finding the mother's face can look like. Is that another good example from a psychological point of view of what is being spoken about in this Ode. What are we yearning to find, and what examples in our experience give us some taste of that, when we're looking for mother's face of emptiness.

Rimpoche: You're right, the crazy child goes crazy because there is no ground on which you can grow. There is no basis for which you can lean and depend. So that's what they're looking for. So lost, I think it is long lost. It is also poetry too, finding long lost family is a lot of emotional as well as mental-physical level of satisfaction. I think the whole idea of using the old mother and the crazy kid and the brother. The crazy child gone crazy because of searching for the basis on which you grow, the basis on which you develop, the basis on the nature of your own mind, and nature of wisdom, nature of emptiness itself. And that's what we're talking about. And psychological examples that you give the child without parents, having lot of difficulties, it's always fit, but on the psychological level I don't know what the different level of fitness is. Besides that I don't know what to say.